Internet dating, Hot texting, Pizza & Beer

It’s funny how my officemate HTP (not his real name) thinks all of the qualities he listed in one internet dating site are supposed to make him such a babe magnet. It’s even funnier to think that he had to list himself on that site if all those qualities are true. HTP is proud of his accomplishments. Apparently, he’s a walking résumé.

He says he’s an electrical engineer who models and plays with the stock market on the side. According to his website, he is 5’11 and has been in a toothpaste advertisement. He also mentioned that he enjoys rock-climbing, surfing and scuba-diving. His other credits include being great in chess and in bed. Of all these things mentioned, only the first is true (well, not even, because he is an ECE).

HTP is extremely image-conscious, which is why the events of this week have extremely vexed him so. Since early this month, a sad woman named Micah used the blogosphere to turn his pride against him – in a big way. Just call it cyber-wushu.

Here’s what happened.

Micah “winked” at HTP’s profile three weeks ago on the online dating service Match.com. The wink consisted of an electronic notice to HTP telling him she was interested in corresponding further. HTP responded by trying to impress Micah with a list of accomplishments.

HTP didn’t send Micah an income tax return, but he did tout his snazzy home (in a Makati condo), his snazzy education (U.P.Eng. kuno), his snazzy physique (”I work out 4 times a week at Gold’s Gym”), and his snazzy job (”high-rise buildings” in MBD). He also asked her to send him photos showing more of her body. He even complained why her profile has only six pictures of her head. He finally mocked her for probably trying to hide something.

Micah apparently was put off by HTP’s letter. She simply sent him a canned response that said they weren’t a “personality match.”

But instead of moving on, HTP made a colossal boo boo. He sent her an angry, defensive, sarcastic letter relisting his vital stats – stats that he thinks makes her a fool for spurning him:
“9.0 on Richter scale, U.P. Diliman grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 600 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of public works, has an ongoing MBA from A.I.M., lives in a Makati high-rise, drives a BMW convertible, has been in a Close-up TV ad, and recently rejected the offer to be Shaina Magdayao’s leading man in her next movie, etc.”

Micah forwarded HTP’s e-mail to a popular media blog: Gawker.com. It then published HTP’s letter and picture, along with mocking links to his website, which can be viewed by perhaps tens of thousands of people.

In his anger, HTP decided to trick Micah on a date. Micah agreed but warned him that he’ll get a slap. “OK, give me your cell number.” So there’s the consent of both parties to a date…at Pizza Company in Market Market so there will be a lot of other people.

Last night, my officemate Mike asked me to drop him off at Market Market. I agreed because it’s along my way to get home from office. But when we got there, I decided to park to buy my wife a 4GB flash disk from “CD-R King” as Christmas gift (you all know how affordable it is to buy there).

On our way up, Mike asked me to accompany him to Pizza Company and told me that it’s his treat. As I entered, I was so surprised to see HTP sitting there alone. HTP was even more surprised as we approached him. We sat on his table, while he blushed and sweated profusely.

Mike asked HTP what he will order. But he won’t order anything until “his classmate” arrives. Finally Mike laughed out so loud. As it turned out, Micah is really Hakeem, a.k.a. Mike. No, it’s the other way around.

By the way, about HTP, those are his real initials.

So HTP had to buy us all pizza and beer. Otherwise, we’ll tell his wife.