Yipee-ki-yay, Japa-hacker

So I heard the U.S. sent us some goods with which to fight cyber-crime. I thought that was very nice of them, until I learned what they sent Japan for their cybercrime-fighting needs: Bruce Willis. That’s right, John McClane from Die Hard. He’s the Honorary Chief of Japan’s Cyber-Terrorism Task Force. And we got a flash-drive. I suppose Japan asked for him after watching Die Hard 4.0 (the weakest, canonically, but still mind-blowing). If this is so, the Japanese must take their action heroes very seriously. I imagine that soon, they’ll recruit Rambo to be Minister of Being-Your-Worst-Nightmare. Chuck Norris will be Secretary of Kicking-People-In-The-Face/Texas-Rangering. Steven Seagal will be Commissioner of Never-Getting-Hit-By-A-Bad-Guy (and also, Being-Awesome). Van Damme can be Commanding Officer of Inappropriate Splits. Patrick Swayze can be Consul of Dirty Dancing, and Hasselhoff can be Ambassador of Oceanic Safety. Seriously, though, it boggles the mind-grapes to think that we’re so backwards we had to be given a thumb-drive, while our Southeast-Asian neighbors are handing out honoraries to people on the strength of fiction, no doubt safe in the knowledge that the real Cyber-Police are taking care of business. Pick it up, Philippines.