Hold on to your enchilada, it’s not The Internets

A couple months ago, while doing something unremarkable - it must’ve been school-related, I can’t quite remember - my computer started talking to me. Seriously. It started telling me exactly what I was doing and exactly where my cursor was pointed. It blew my mind-grapes. I didn’t know how it happened, and, frankly, I thought the damn thing was possessed. But I just played around with it for a while. The talking computer was very tolerant of my mouse-clicking, although I couldn’t get it to say funny things like “wakka wakka”. Now, I know this might not sound like a big deal to most of you, and you’re probably going, “Why, that’s a normal function, you silly goose, all computers have a voice you can activate!” But to you on your hi-tech high horse, you should know: I’m quite happy being technologically benighted; I’m still very easily amused and entertained by things like talking computers. That is, of course, after I stop looking for that pesky devil in my hard-drive. Oh, another thing for you elevated equestrians: saying things like “silly goose” makes you sound like you watched Titanic and liked it. So stop it.